And that's the way it was

As my grandfather might say, "People are dumber than anybody." Take the "Personality Parade" in a recent Sunday Parade magazine. In case you are unfamiliar with the column, let me explain it to you as best I can. The column fills a gap in the world for people who have access to television and plenty of free time, but no access to the Internet, a book or anyone in the village with a triple-digit IQ.

A woman from Pennsylvania asked the following question: "As a fan of CBS' 'NUMB3RS,' I'm curious about David Krumholtz. Is he really a math genius?" In case you are unfamiliar with the show that has a numeral instead of letter in its name, let me explain it to you as best I can. An actor named David Krumholtz plays a math genius. He uses a chalkboard and calculus and algebra to solve crimes. A recent example: "Well, if X is equal to the square of the hypotenuse and Y is half the speed of light, then the bank robbery will occur at the Poltroon Savings and Loan on West Broad this afternoon at 3." Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit. There wasn't really a Poltroon Savings and Loan.

So the woman from Pennsylvania wanted to know if the actor who acted like a math genius on a television show was really a math genius. As it turns out, wouldn't you know it, the actor is actually really bad at math. Great golly, what a chuckle I got out of that. Oddly enough, this is not the scariest part of the column. The fact that a woman in Pennsylvania-a woman who is probably eligible to vote-thinks that it is possible that this actor is a math genius does scare me, though. Can you imagine the wide-eyed half-hour each week this woman spent watching "I Dream of Jeannie"? Imagine the days and nights she must have spent trying to find out how to reach Samantha Stevens of "Bewitched" to see if the good witch could cast a spell so that she could have an easier time opening a jar pickles or understanding the jokes on Johnny Carson's show.

No, this is not the scariest part of the Personality Parade. Among the questions about Jennifer Anniston's movies and Terrence Howard's lapel pin, a man from New York asked whether anyone in Iran has "the guts to denounce" President Ahmadinejad. What worries me is that people are getting their world news from the Personality Parade. I mean, the column that answers questions about Beyonce's shoes and whether any of the Three Stooges are still alive is being relied upon for an understanding of the political nuances of the Middle East? And things are only getting worse.

Following in the great tradition of CBS news-Edward R. Murrow, Eric Sevareid and Walter Cronkite-a new anchor for Evening News has been named. As expected from a network that brought you a television show with a numeral in the title of its hit drama, the people in charge have selected Katie Couric of NBC's "Today Show." The commitment to journalistic integrity in television is astounding. Couric, known for dressing up as Sponge Bob Square Pants for a Halloween episode of her show, is expected to take the anchor chair at CBS just before the locusts begin falling from the sky.

In a society in which people get their world news from an entertainment gossip column, just how far away are we from "World News Tonight: Live with Regis and Kelly." I know I am not alone in awaiting Couric's first hard-hitting interview. "Mr. Prime Minister, I want to get to the recent car bombing that killed 654 of your citizens, but first, well, I just have to ask you, where did you get that beautiful tie. I mean," she says, smiling and running her hands through her hair, "it really is an exceptionally lovely tie." Murrow. Sevareid. Cronkite. Couric. We get the society we deserve, I suppose. People want to know more about the loves of J. Lo and less about why I have to pay $3 a gallon for gas.

Of course, there will be stories about the gas prices on the television news. They will show the signs at the gas stations. But they won't really let you know why. Then they will have a story about obese Americans. And they will show you footage, from the neck down, of 500-pound people walking around New York. And then they will tell you about the new movie starring Tom Cruise's teeth. And then someone from Idaho will write in to an entertainment column asking if Tom Cruise is really a secret agent. If Katie Couric can be a journalist, I suppose anything is possible.