Getting a little sick of new plan

I must admit that I am a little nervous at the prospect of having my high school biology teacher operate on me. I mean, he knew his subject matter well enough-he knew his tibia from his fibula and had quite a few things to say about photosynthesis and photoautotrophs. He knew what he was doing and was pretty good at what he did. He'd built up a pretty successful career and was well loved in the community. When he retired, he wanted to give something back. So, although he has no medical training at all, he is now is performing surgery at a local clinic.

Because good doctors are difficult to train and retain, the federal government has decided that relaxing the standards and allowing retired biology teachers into the operating room is a good idea. Oh, wait a second. I misread the news. The federal government is devoting a new $25 million to retired professionals to swing by schools to teach classes. Hmmm, is that really so different?

On Friday, Deputy Education Secretary Ray Simon delivered the keynote address to a group of educators gathered for a conference in Richmond. He spoke to the group about raising middle-school achievement. Part of the way to improve student performance was rolled up in President Bush's No Child Left Behind program and his American Competitive Initiative. Simon spoke of the $90 million in new money that the administration has set aside for Advanced Placement classes. He also spoke of the $25 million set aside for an "adjunct teacher core" for shortage areas such as math and science.

The main component of this seems to be retired doctors teaching science classes, retired accountants teaching math classes and that sort of thing. "It's a good time to be teaching at middle schools and high schools," Simon said. Simon has been in the business of education since he began teaching in Arkansas in 1967. He has been a math teacher, as well as being the director of food services, the director of computer services and the assistant superintendent of finance. Now he is President Bush's point man on a number of education initiatives. Last month he spoke to the Brookings Institute. This month he spoke to educators gathered in Richmond.

To say that Simon knows more about education than I do is like saying Sir Laurence Olivier knows more about acting than Meg Ryan does. Well, duh. When Simon says that good schools have strong principals, measurable goals and regular testing, I nod along. When he says that the biggest reform in education in the past 40 years has been state-based standards, I have to defer to his knowledge. Of course, Simon says that teachers should not just stop there. "I haven't seen the standard yet that I can't out-teach," he says to a roomful of chuckles in Richmond. When he talks about using state tests not to penalize students, but to help tailor the curriculum, I have to agree. "Tests are for directing instruction," he explains. Well, that sure sounds good. But when he talks to a room of educators about using non-traditional teachers to teach, I get a little uneasy.

I know a little something about teaching. When my family gets together, you can't wave an Oxford English Dictionary without hitting a teacher. My family knows more about teaching than Meg Ryan knows about being perky. When the federal government sets aside tens of millions of dollars to put retired doctors in biology classes, I worry. Here's why--Teaching is tough work. Just like doctors go to medical school and then intern and what-not, teachers actually go to school for this stuff. A doctor could no more teach biology to a class of rowdy tenth graders than my biology teacher could slice me open and implant a heart.

While $25 million may not seem like terribly much to the federal government, it's a nice hunk of change that could be used for teacher raises or textbooks or microscopes that aren't as old as I am. Or it could be used for successful math programs at that state level. Or it could be used to help fund school lunches. Or it could be used for regional drama festivals. Even I have retained enough math skills to know that each state could get half-a-million dollars to use for poetry contests or art shows or anything to stimulate learning. Instead, the money will be set aside for retirees to "give back to the community" by teaching courses in their subject matter.

I don't doubt that non-teachers know a good deal about their own particular subject matter. If I want to know something about how the brain reacts to two hours of bad acting in a Hollywood movie, I could ask a neurologist. But I'm sure not going to take that neurologist and ask her to teach a fourth period biology class on Friday afternoon to a bunch of teenagers hopped up on soda pop, MTV and Grand Theft Auto. Odd as this may seem to some in the federal government, teaching requires more than knowing your fibula from your tibia.

Teaching biology requires the ability-not to perform flawless incisions or diagnose a fracture from a sprain- but the ability to teach. Teachers must take children who might not have eaten since yesterday or who might have worked at the grocery store from 4 p.m. until 10 p.m. last night and teach them the difference between "effect" and "affect." Teaching requires simultaneously holding the attention of a girl whose favorite book is "Finnegan's Wake" and a boy who was just booked for assault and battery. Acting like a teacher or doctor or someone else is pretty easy (unless you're Meg Ryan). Being a good teacher can be just as difficult as being a good doctor.

That the government wants to try new things in the school is admirable. But before they devote millions to bringing in retired professionals to teach our students, perhaps they should spend a little time and money on the schools that are sorely underfunded and have a difficult time retaining the trained teachers we already have. As the old saying goes, "Reading is fundamental." Yes, but teaching isn't. Teaching is not innate. A medical degree and a doctorate in education are substantially different. Dr. Smith the principal and Dr. Jones the surgeon are not interchangeable. Getting more smart people into the classroom is a great idea, as long as those people can teach. Then we'll be more likely to get smart people from the classroom to head out and be doctors and accountants and, if they must, movie actors. And the doctors and accountants and government folks can always stop by for career day.